I don't want to kill myself, I want to start living? (need $?)?

.... Your avatar says you are one special dude, yet your mindset is a very negative one. First, I believe you must get your priorities in order, then do only what is possible for you to do. Because you see this as negative you will continue to rack up negative behaviours/thoughts. Money isn't everything and without a healthy body and mind, nothing is going to change for you. Yes, money is important and needed to survive, it is a commodity used for the exchange of things we need, but if it is your #1 thought each and every day, then you have become obsessed with this and I'm sad to say, you will not grow much further than where you are now. You must change the way you think about everything. There are many lessons here for you to learn, the first is taking responsibility for your actions that have put you in this position. Then acceptance of where you are at right now. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Work first toward paying off your debts as best you can, making sure you have your basic needs met, like bills paid and food in the house. Do what you can with what is left. Do not wrack up any more debt. Many of us have been there, some still there like yourself. We all have sirvived and you will too. AND Stay away from gangs! Pay them only what you can, and never ever see them alone. If need be talk to a police officer about this, so you will remain safe. Life will get better, it always does and having periods of ups and downs are a huge part of this life. Find some things that are good in your life, do new things and put your acting career on the shelf for a little while, until you have straightened out and can afford to pursue it. Watch the sunrise/sunset and know this is only a temporary glitch and will be only a memory in a few years, maybe less. It will work out I ure you, and nothing, and I do mean nothing is worth even thinking about suicide over. Laugh, and the world laughs with you my friend. Have a great day, and yes, I have been where you are too, maybe even a tad worse off and look at me now! lol Do take care & Mental health #1